460 comments

My Son is Ready for Early Retirement

Like father, like son?

Like father, like son?

I suppose I can’t blame him, because this IS pretty nice. It’s Monday morning, and I just dropped him off at school, rode the mountain bike and trailer back home through the deep and fluffy remnants of the latest snowstorm, and settled in with this laptop and my sunny, empty house to compose my thoughts for you. Greg Reitan is playing some wicked Jazz piano in the background via Pandora, and my belly is nicely satisfied with fine coffee and a bowl of almonds. The rest of the world is out commuting on an icy highway or dialing into the conference call while seated in the cubicle. This is the life for me.

But is it the life for an eight-year-old?

Although he has made it to the second half of second grade with great success, my boy has softly been singing an underlying chorus of “I don’t want to go to schooool!” since long before Kindergarten. The song fades away on the good days, because there are occasional bits of learning and he has several great friends among his classmates. But then he gets a taste of freedom again, like the two-week Christmas holiday that just ended an hour ago, and it reminds him of how much more he enjoys not being in school. Our holiday together was a beautiful blur of late nights, family board games, friends, movie nights, adventures at the creek, sunshine, drawing pictures, and making songs with Ableton Live and elaborate automated buildings in Minecraft. When he realized it was truly over last night, he cried so much that he had trouble getting to sleep.

I can’t blame him, because this feeling about school and organized activites in general tends to run in my side of the family. I remember finishing the nine-year sentence in my own small town K-8 elementary school wondering if I had learned anything during the entire session. High school became more interesting because of some inspiring teachers in Science, Math, and English (and because of the girls). And Engineering school, while painful, was motivating because I knew there was freedom and an excellent paycheck waiting right at the end of the tunnel. But since finishing that whole affair, I have never looked back other than to marvel at how different than me the folks who pursue graduate degrees and PhDs must be. A brilliant nephew of mine finds himself in a similar boat: my sister described his school years as “A quiet rebellion of boredom”, although he has awakened now that he is among other whiz kids in the Computer Science program of his country’s top university.

Some of us just really enjoy our freedom, and we use that freedom for constant learning of the things we really want to learn, and creating the things we really want to create. This is surely why I quit even the relatively free environment of the corporate office: to get all my time back for truly self-guided pursuits. And I suspect this personality type is common among the Mustachians as well: you don’t have any trouble keeping yourself busy, the only issue is freeing yourself from the busywork that others keep assigning to you.

But how do we handle it when a kid discovers this obvious source of joy less than 3000 days into his life? Under the current regime, the poor lad is scheduled for about fourteen additional years of school, at which point he’ll to need work and save for another decade to earn his financial independence. I could allow him to cheat the system by setting aside a trust fund that made work (and school) optional at any point, but I do not want to deny him the soul-building satisfaction of good old-fashioned hard work, and the incomparable advantage of having to work for what you get.

But at the same time, there is surely some benefit I can pass on from this clearly advantaged position. Compared to my own parents at a similar stage in 1982, Mrs. MM and I have much more secure finances, one child instead of four, unlimited free time to spend with him, and the resources of the Internet from which to pull knowledge. There are thousands of other parents of bright but slightly bored kids reading this who might have some ideas. With so many advantages, it would be a cop-out for me to just leave my son to follow exactly the same path I walked 32 years before him, without at least questioning The Rules.

We would not be the first people to do so. I was recently inspired by this TED talk by Ken Robinson, which eloquently explains that despite its best efforts, the school system does tend to crush creativity. Adding to that idea, there’s this ambitious 13-year-old lad that did his own TEDx Talk about a self-guided “Unschooling” or “Hackschooling” education.

By now you’ve probably learned that a formal university education is only one of many paths to a good life. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs were dropouts. Free and inexpensive learning spots like the Khan Academy and Treehouse abound. My own posts on jobs without a degree are some of the most widely read on this site. Heck, there is a 23-year-old college dropout staying in my guest suite right now, who founded his own successful company several years ago which now allows him to lead a life with greater freedom than I had at that age. He’s here to have an adventure and to learn new skills, in a completely non-academic environment. But all this still leaves the question of how to motivate your very young kid without denying him the benefits of school.

So we don’t have the answers yet. My boy is excited that he has gained admission to a special program within the school that allows kids in this situation to leave class twice per week and gather with a special teacher to cover more interesting material. We could try an Unschooling experiment next year, spending a portion of it living in another country (I’m partial to New Zealand myself, and then perhaps Ecuador the next year). The regular school is well-run and has the best intentions, but learning formalized material in a big group is very slow and is bound to leave a certain portion of the kids spending 90% of each day waiting for what is next. Or missing recess because some other kids were talking when the teacher had declared that talking was not allowed. And the charter and private schools I’ve encountered around here all seem to emphasize even more academic rigor and discipline, rather than more freedom to roam and learn.

Unfortunately, I think that purely hanging around at home would be unsuccessful. We could learn much more quickly, but there are only three of us here – not enough people to provide a truly rounded social education. Plus there is the selfish issue: both my wife and I benefit greatly from having a few hours on weekdays to do our own things. After all, this blog is not going to write itself.

What do you think? Have you encountered this problem with your own children?

Ideally, we could gather and form communal unschooling environments with five or six cool kids, and the problem would be solved. I could teach them writing and carpentry, you could teach them filmmaking and math, and some of our other friends would handle the sports, physics, chemistry, and whatever else they want to learn. We’d take plenty of field trips as well.

The more conservative standardized-test-loving government officials and administrators of the world might frown upon us, but we’d probably end up with a batch of very creative, happy, and motivated young adults, which is really the primary job that we sign up for when we produce these fine little creatures.

  • Abbey January 7, 2014, 1:03 pm

    (1) Live in several countries during his growing-up years and let him learn the language, history, and culture naturally

    (2) Use Internet resources and alternative schooling sites for education, but he has to eat his peas sometimes – learn topics that are necessary but may not be very interesting to him

    (3) Field trips can touch on many topics across the curriculum

    (4) Formal education for at least a couple of years in high school to fill in the blanks and have face-to-face tutoring.

    Warning: there’s lots of garbage out there masquerading as online K-12.

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  • SomeYoungGuy January 7, 2014, 1:20 pm

    People do seem to have lots of opinions on this, another hot-button topic. My son pitched the same fit (4th grade) but our daughter (2nd grade) looked forward to going back to public school after the break. I imagine they will both be fine and happy once the routine sets back in. My wife home-schooled and it is a lot of work, I was happy to keep my day job. Certainly more efficient than a ‘mainstream classroom’, allowing lots of field trips, but it can be equal or greater than a full-time job, preparing lessons, ensuring you are covering the material, finding electives. My wife is much happier substitute teaching part-time at their school, so she can have a flexible routine but also be ‘in the know’ on that part of our children’s lives. Lots of ways to skin this cat. I think it’s fantastic how much is available online (can even review tae kwon do forms on YouTube), that wasn’t available to us when we were their age. The more important skill to develop is maintaining focus and being a self-starter.

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  • Lady Dapper Dollar January 7, 2014, 1:22 pm

    I am homeschooled and I have been since I was 5. Contrary to what most people think, homeschooling is NOT cramming everything that you know into your kid’s brain. There is a lot of awesome websites with classes for homeschoolers. For example:
    http://www.athenasacademy.com/ (for grades 3-5)
    and
    http://www.onlineg3.com/ (for grades 4-junior high)
    I am currenly taking this junior high-highschool Latin class, which is incredibly awesome.
    http://lonepineclassical.com/
    Just pointing out that when you homeschool your kid, you are more like the principal than the teacher.

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  • Lady Dapper Dollar January 7, 2014, 1:27 pm

    I think that I missed one more thing. I saw a few comments saying that when you are homeschooled you don’t get any social time.

    Addressing the problem directly, there are a few “Homeschool Co-ops” that are not that good for core subjects like math/science/etc. but are good places to socialize. I live in Portland, OR where we are lucky to have one. Here is the website:

    http://www.villagehome.org/

    This type of place usually also has quite a few extra-curricular activities, and even some stuff for THE PARENTS sometimes. :)

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  • Carolyn January 7, 2014, 1:43 pm

    It is awesome that you are working with your son to find a solution that works for him.
    You should check out the Longmont Homeschool Group, it is an eclectic bunch of homeschoolers in your area.
    http://longmonthomeschoolgroup.homeschooljournal.net/
    We don’t have a teaching co-op yet but I’m hoping to help form one in a few years when my daughter is a bit older. You could talk to the other parents about options you are considering. I believe some of the older kids who like math and engineering have a Lego club.

    If your son likes school but isn’t challeneged enough in math, you could encourage him to study math independently outside of school, or homeschool extra math. He will get even farther ahead of his class but if his intellectual needs are being met it may be easier to put up with the class.

    On the subject of socialization, school is an entirely artificial environment. You will never be put in a room of people that are exactly your age except in school. There were not always schools and kids still found other kids to play with, as well as older people they could learn from and younger ones they could teach. Life teaches you social skills, not school.

    Keep exploring all your options and have your son do the same and you will find a good solution.

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  • Heather January 7, 2014, 1:52 pm

    Kia Ora Mustache Family,
    What is it that interests you about New Zealand? Both Wellington & Golden Bay have been recommended to you. Are you after urban or rural or both?
    Cheers for an awesome blog…have loved reading your posts
    :)Heather (a new urban rider who cruises the very cycle friendly streets of Chch with a 2yr old)

    Reply
  • Matt W January 7, 2014, 1:57 pm

    Great article, having 2 young boys myself it hits close to home. Our oldest is frequently bored at school and the wife and I have discussed the idea of homeschooling him. My wife’s research turned up “homeschooling co-ops” in the area that I think address the very real problems of diversity/socialization and, as you mentioned, the adults in the house having time to do the things that need to be done.

    Also: “Mustachians as well: you don’t have any trouble keeping yourself busy, the only issue is freeing yourself from the busywork that others keep assigning to you.”

    How true, how true.

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  • Venturing January 7, 2014, 2:18 pm

    If you do come to New Zealand I suggest you look into the one day school program. It is a program designed for gifted learners where the kids attend one day a week with children of similar ability. They work in a more theme based exploratory manner, incorporating all the different ‘subjects’ in a way that is designed to genuinely challenge them and inspire their love of learning. You could primarily unschool mini MMM and send him there one day a week for greater diversity in his learning and to provide a social outlet.

    There is a charge as the school is run by a charitable trust rather than being a public school. Normally I think this charge is a shame but in your case it may be an advantage as the fact that he isn’t a NZ citizen shouldn’t matter.

    This is their website http://www.giftededucation.org.nz/onedayschool.html

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  • FreedomOverBoredom January 7, 2014, 3:05 pm

    The more people choose alternative forms of education, the more opportunities and resources there will be. The system will have to accommodate. I intend to unschool my two young kids. It just seems more fun. More power to you!

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  • Annamal January 7, 2014, 3:16 pm

    I know this comes after a lot of other articles but this might be worth reading.
    It’s about a kiwi mother and her experiences with a US school with the best of intentions but in a lousy situation.

    http://publicaddress.net/busytown/testing-1-2-3/

    Her kid sounds a lot like the mini mustache so it might be worth a read?

    It was intended as a warning against traveling down the same path of standardized testing of primary schoolers (sadly the NZ government decided to take this route anyway, which is a shame since there was a really good curriculum that had just been agreed on by everyone).

    I don’t have the answers but I do know that the importance of testing is overrated and changes the behaviour of teachers and schools in an unpleasant way.

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  • Adrienne January 7, 2014, 3:48 pm

    You mentioned New Zealand. Watched a documentary involving an awesome family who is rich beyond belief but not in a monetary sense. They live an unrestricted and I believe the most honest life you can imagine. Must check it out and be prepared to be awed. “This Way of Life” is the name of it and can’t say enough about the family and their parenting! Check it out on HULU for free on the web.

    Reply
  • tara January 7, 2014, 3:52 pm

    YUSS!!! Come to NZ! It’s incredible here! BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!! This is a serious post, not trolling. I think most of us realise how good we’ve got it here :)

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  • Alison January 7, 2014, 6:11 pm

    I’m glad to see this post, MMM. My husband and I lead a very frugal, Mustacian life, (even before we found your blog ~9 months ago). The only thing I couldn’t agree with you on was your post on public schools being good enough. If there is a Montessori in your area, it will solve your problems (except your son will miss the friends he has already made at his current school). The private Montessori school we’re paying for ($600 per month) is the only un-mustacian budget item and our biggest expense. My husband questioned it, I pushed for it and won him over. Fostering a love of learning and independence in our kids is a bigger priority for me than reaching FI earlier (still 10+ years away).

    This conversation has come up again for us as we face a move to the San Francisco Bay area where private Montessori schools are easily three times the price AND our second daughter is reaching school age. That adds up to almost $40,000 per year, which is just crazy. This is killing me because I value it so much. We are considering having my husband stay home and do Montessori based homeschooling for our girls. There are so many home-schooling co-ops and other resources that I think we can make it work. We may also actively choose to live near one of the few Montessori charter (public) schools and cross our fingers that we win the lottery.

    Our education system is badly broken. So much depends on where you are born, who you are born to, and how lucky you get in the lotteries for the good schools. That is wrong and bad for society as a whole. We all must push for equal opportunity to quality education for every child.

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    • Nina January 10, 2014, 4:05 pm

      I no longer buy into the Montessori=good education indoctrination. Montessori fostered a dislike of education in my youngest. He was expelled in last year of kindergarten – 3rd year Casa (of course being a private school I received a letter stating that it was not in his best interests to continue at the school – effective immediately) which was quite fortunate as he was able to take a break from school before flourishing at our local public school. We took the opportunity to transition our daughter to non-Montessori public middle school, always hard to transition kids, but she too flourished. It was only then, after 5 years at the private Montessori that she told me how much she hated certain aspects, such as the unconventional approach to math (she liked the data analysis they were learning in public school, and was glad to leave the multiplication booklets behind). And what kid wouldn’t want to play dress-up with the Montessori beads? It seems such a suppression of kids innate playfulness to forbid this (or so many other types of play). My daughter also noted her disdain for the silent workcycles and how sometimes they extended into silent recesses (call it practicing silence, and call silence a virtue, it doesn’t add up to me. Perhaps a pedagogue could clarify). I don’t know about others, but this Montessori also didn’t want or encourage parents in the classroom – it might interfere with the kids teaching each other and the trained teacher as facilitator. Montessori is not for everyone, it certainly wasn’t for us.

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      • Alison January 10, 2014, 5:21 pm

        Yeah, I agree with you Nina, it is certainly not for everyone. Several friends of ours have pulled their (3 year old) kids out because they have so much energy that they don’t do well during the typical workcycle.

        It just seems to me that in *this* case, where you have a student that is bored with the pace of learning in his public school, he would greatly benefit from working independently, at his own pace. Give him the authority to work on whatever he wants to and I think he’d be a lot happier.

        There is also a huge disparity in the methods employed by different ‘Montessori’ schools. The Montessori method is not trademarked and any school can call themselves a Montessori school. The workcycle at our school is anything but silent and parents are encouraged to come in and observe.

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  • Kim January 7, 2014, 6:28 pm

    Extracurriculars are what keep most home-schooled kids socialized. Community organizations, sports, camps, craft groups, whatever floats the mustachian boat. There should be plenty of good ways for kids to get the social time they need and parents to get the kid-free time they need. Our school systems here in the US are in a sorry state as well.

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  • LA January 7, 2014, 6:30 pm

    Hi MMM! Long-time reader, first-time commenter. I wonder if you’re able to talk to your son’s teacher(s) about giving him more challenging material to work on in class? This approach worked for me while I was in school and allowed me to retain the benefits of socializing with lots of other kids my age. You might discover that there are other kids in the same position who would be glad to join an enrichment class, and maybe even a teacher who is willing to organize one.

    I spent a long time way ahead of my classmates in school (through the second year of high school when we first had entirely tracked classes), which was quite often frustrating for Smaller Me, but I benefited from the lessons in discipline, patience, and kindness.

    Just a thought, and I am sure you and Mrs. MM will end up making the right choice for Little MM. Good luck!

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  • Amy Westman January 7, 2014, 6:47 pm

    We homeschool in Aurora, CO since our home elementary doesn’t cut the mustard. We do an “Options” program where we send our daughter to school 1 day per week for extra curricular activities and activities that are difficult to do at home (our daughter was in Kindergarten last year and got to watch a teacher dissect an animal heart and digestive system, perform Chemistry experiments, and run around as a blood cell in a giant circulatory system maze that the teachers set up). The program has the benefits of providing amazing learning opportunities, giving us the option of checking out curriculum materials from a variety of different publishers (you only pay for the things your child writes on), allowing my daughter to interact with same-age peers at least weekly, giving me a breather, and being nearby. I know there is an Options program in Longmont, but it may not be as practical to get there as ours.
    Since our daughter has sensory processing disorder which led to social delays, we gave a lot of thought to what was best for her social development. From our experience, school only takes up the morning hours, giving my daughter more opportunities to interact with friends than if I enrolled her in a public school. In fact, she was able to catch up socially last year from play dates with a neighborhood friend and was able to generalize the skills she learned into making friends in her classroom. Also, we can provide her with opportunities to interact with all ages of people around the community, which more realistically mimics the workplace school does. We’ve also been really pleased to be able to personalize her curriculum which has led to big academic gains in a short period of time. Homeschooling isn’t for everyone, but we’ve had a really positive experience with it.

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  • Nic January 7, 2014, 7:11 pm

    Been there, done that and going back. We might use the tuition-free virtual academy in our area just because it gives us the K12 curriculum for free. Did it for a few years in another state and loved the ability to move on. My 4y-o reads (critically), writes (poorly), types (phonetically) and does math. My little relates poorly to same-aged peers and our years of homeschooling led to experiences primarily with older kids. I speculate that the little one would struggle socially as they’ve never been patient with peers and struggle academically because they’d learn next to nothing. Don’t think that it’s going to work out unless the school and teacher are exceptional. Already know from first-hand experience that the school isn’t exceptional.

    When we homeschooled, socialization was only a problem because I had to choose what not to do. We had PE w/ a local non-profit, I tutored math & Test Prep, we also did Robotics, circuit building, park days, started our own track club, entered 5Ks together, games nights, etc. We were an eclectic mix of religious, traditional,unschooling, Montessori, online schoolers and counted the public school siblings among our group as well. Lots of kids with Aspergers/autism/ADHD – they all got along for the most part. The parents also learned tolerance and negotiation skills (after all you want your kids to continue to see their friends, right?).

    Most families moved kids in and out of brick and mortar schools as the kids needs and desires dictate(d), as did/do we. Our older kid is back in public school and has lost many of the 2 academic years of advancement that they gained while homeschooled, but they are happy. We are fine with this because we continue to supplement learning with travel, community service and other experiences and are confident that we can regain much of the academic ground if the kiddo wanted to. However they’re enjoying wallowing in the mediocrity (my feeling) that is middle school and understand that homeschooling is a privilege.
    (Happy Kid + Disappointed Parent)> (Unhappy Kid + Aggravated Parent)

    If you decide to do it, make a connection with some local homeschooling groups and start hanging out with them in advance. Remember brick and mortar is ALWAYS an option. Good Luck!

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  • Julie January 7, 2014, 7:18 pm

    Unschool! That’s what we do with our two. The 16 year old has wanted to become a Professional UltraRunner since age 8 and we moved our family across the country in order for him to pursue that goal. He is also in the beginning stages of working towards a degree in Mechanical Engineering-his choice. Our 12 has trained 3 horses, her dream is to become a horse trainer.

    Life is what you make of it, same goes for the kiddos!

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  • Jen January 7, 2014, 7:18 pm

    Guess everybody so different. As a kid, I loved school, afterwards loved college, and then went on to get three (I know!) graduate degrees. My CV looked insane when I started working. All these degrees probably affected my employability in a negative way and definitely postponed my retirement by a few years, but I love studying. Wish somebody paid me to do that. Working is much less fun.

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  • Jennifer Barton January 7, 2014, 8:06 pm

    I’m ready for a revolution in education! I have been teaching for 12 years and the tide needs to change. I would love to work at this school http://www.greenschool.org/. However, it is in Bali. Not quite ready to move out of the states. I have a nine year old that is ready for a revolution in learning, as well. In addition, the founder John Hardy has a TED talk http://www.ted.com/talks/john_hardy_my_green_school_dream.html
    So, Mr. and Mrs. Mustache would you like to start a school with me?

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  • Emily January 7, 2014, 8:12 pm

    Haven’t made it through all the comments yet but wondered if there is a Sudbury school in your area- pretty much unschooling in a group but with lots of amazing benefits of being part of a community- my kids are at one in md and we love it. Generally they are more affordable than most private schools and offer the autonomy he craves.

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  • Marnie January 7, 2014, 8:30 pm

    Hi Mr. Money Mustache, I love that this post generated so many comments!

    “Oh, what about socialization?” is usually the big moan. So….when people say that I find it just a little insulting – my family is not social? Also, what kind of socialization is your son looking for? Where does he light up?

    O.k., next. I truly believe that children do best when they feel they have agency in their world. I excelled at school and loved it and learned nothing except how to put the answer that the teacher was looking for into the right box. And, also, because I’m a girl, how not to be too smart. Seriously. At almost 40 years old I’ve had to unlearn a lot about learning. And yet I watch our daughter and son, who are unschooled, pick their own boxes and fill them enthusiastically with all kinds of amazing things.

    Kids’ minds are not empty vessels to be filled, no matter the quality of what you think you’re pouring in. Nor are they sponges. They are people with thoughts and feelings, a fact that seems to get squashed in school. Finding teachers and “socialization” are the least of your worries. Is your son self-motivated? Is he still curious about his world? Does he question, push back, create? Is he not afraid of failing? How resilient is he? When he needs teachers he’ll find them (which is part of the process of learning, no?), probably asking you and your wife for help along the way ’cause you’re modelling something amazing.

    It can work. If you have to argue with traditionalists, tell them that all the top universities actually seek out homeschoolers, mostly because the majority of them are self-motivated. If you have to argue with yourself, tell yourself it’s scary (which it is, because it goes against everything we’re taught) to trust a child that by rights they know best what they want their life to be, but that’s o.k. Then watch in amazement as he proves it to you over and over again.

    It’s not all fairyland and roses. I also struggle with finding time for my work, but an 8-year-old is plenty old enough to be finding his own work to do right alongside you, or in the back yard, or at independent classes or at the park. Now, he’s already been in the system, so it’ll be a different curve than someone who’s been un/homeschooled from the beginning, and I’m not sure how hard it is in Colorado to take him out and then put him back into the system if it doesn’t work, but you could just try it.

    We know a homeschooled kid who did that. At ten he said he wanted to go to school, so he did. He was back out in 2 1/2 weeks. Said the big reason was he couldn’t stand not being allowed to go to the washroom when he needed to ;)

    There are a lot of good resources out there. The blog Nurtured by Love is amazing, Anything by John Taylor Gatto (specifically “Dumbing Us Down), etc etc.

    O.k. I was so excited that this topic came up that I read a few comments and then jumped in. I’m off to read the rest of them (apologies if I’ve repeated what others have already said). Have fun!

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  • Nancy January 7, 2014, 9:29 pm

    Actually it sounds like you’ve already convinced yourself – now it’s just a matter of researching what’s available and who else in your area is doing it! Yet another great opportunity to invent your world. You will find that you don’t need to re-create a school environment. You will also find ways to get time for yourself. Without school your day will be less artificially divided.

    You also won’t need to motivate him. He will be self-motivated to explore his interests and you will be there to support that. It really is that simple once they realize no one is going to make them do anything; they rediscover that excitement about learning that they had at age 3 and 4.

    My kids unschooled and both chose to go to college. No trouble getting in. Now one is in grad school, both are happy and successful enough by any standards. You are in an ideal position to do this, and no child should cry or make themselves sick about what they do every day. What a way to go through life, I’m sure you would agree!

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  • Vincent January 8, 2014, 12:19 am

    I just finished high school last year in Victoria, Australia. My parents sent me to a fairly mid range private school and what I took out of the whole thing is that there are a myriad of factors that impact your “success” and enjoyment throughout your schooling.

    I don’t know how it is in the states, but it was a very long hard road to travel to get to this point. There are way too many unknown variables to pick over the course of an education, so try and focus on known quantities of likes and dislikes and interests and what not.

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  • AlmostIndependent January 8, 2014, 3:12 am

    Being finished with mandatory schooling is, for me, one of the great joys of adulthood. I started skipping school in kindergarten; I decided my time was better spent playing in the woods behind our house. I had no idea that the school would call my parents to inquire about my absence. My mom says that I am responsible for every gray hair she has. While probably not entirely true, it’s close enough that I don’t challenge the assertion :)

    The fact that you openly acknowledge that school can be a waste of time (and people in positions of authority are sometimes wrong) and that time spent playing outside is valuable (and the best things in life are free) are a major leg up for Little MM. Once you get a taste of that freedom there is no going back.

    It’s great that you’re thinking about alternatives to traditional schooling, but I would be willing to bet that you’ve already given him a piece of learning that will be more valuable than anything he will learn in school, traditional or otherwise.

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  • Ken January 8, 2014, 3:28 am

    Watch the documentary “Surfwise” to see a real life example raising kids “outside” the system in the “school of life.” Great movie!

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  • BeatTheSeasons January 8, 2014, 6:06 am

    It’s the tyranny of school.

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  • Mandie S January 8, 2014, 6:56 am

    We just made the decision to homeschool. We are in North Carolina and the schools are terrible and getting worse everyday.

    Here’s what helped us make our decision:

    — Unnecessary stress
    This may sound silly to some, but my husband and I struggle with stress and anxiety. For us, we didn’t want to have to worry about getting everyone “up and ready” each day. I work at home 4 days a week and my husband stays at home with the kids, and it took us about two seconds to begin to loathe having that morning grind every day, and it saves us from having to have morning battles to get out the door. It also allows everyone to have the mental and emotional energy to do other things besides worry about missing a day of school or getting there on time.

    — Bullying
    If you haven’t watched “Bully”, please do. It reinforced everything my husband and I remember about how awful it is to be bullied, and how it can screw you up for a long, long time. Bullying really only exists and is permitted in a school setting — as as adult, it is harassment and assault, and is illegal. We also joined a HUGE group of homeschoolers and family after family cited school bullying as a reason for homeschooling. I’d say it’s about 90% of them, and this is a group with over 200 families.

    — Real world skills
    The world and job market are changing rapidly, and while I learned a lot in school, I never learned about the truly important things: how to run your own business, understand taxes, basic personal finance, investing, how fix a car, how give a haircut, how to build/fix your home, the list goes on and on. The way the landscape for jobs changes each day, there is no possible way the school system could keep up. My husband and I were both also bored and ahead all the time, and it led to all kinds of behavioral problems.

    — Rigor and varied learning styles
    My husband also just finished reading “The Smartest Kids in the World” and the answer to high-performing children is asking a lot of them. Schools teach to the lowest performing kid in the class, and even more so now, tailor learning to standardized testing. Having helped lots of my more “creative” friends barely graduate high school, only to go on to very successful careers, means that the school-based learning environment only really caters to one or two types of learners. If you’re not one of those, those bad grades in high school can have lifelong consequences, and you can believe you aren’t talented or smart just because classroom learning doesn’t work for you.
    We plan on asking a lot of our children, more than the public school system will.

    We are also lucky in a way. NC has such bad schools that the homeschool community is MASSIVE. We are part of three groups of homeschoolers, and even though my eldest child just turned five, there are already two co-ops/gatherings a week for the kiddos of like ages. It will just increase as he gets older and his younger brother ages into the co-ops. We are so not worried about the socialization, one of the groups we are part just put on a high school dance, and there are tons of sports teams around here that cater to homeschoolers. There is WAY more happening in the homeschool community here than we could possibly keep up with.

    Reply
  • Lisa January 8, 2014, 7:57 am

    There is a big homeschool community in your area (we use it :)) and a number of cool options for your son to attend single-day programs. there’s also a one-day public program. you probably already know about this! pm me if you want details!

    Reply
  • Sarah January 8, 2014, 8:26 am

    I haven’t read the other comments, but I’ve found that homeschooling our kids has been a successful experiment so far.

    We spend about two hours in the morning covering the basic school subjects like math, history, reading, piano, literature, handwriting, etc and then our kids have the rest of the day to attend classes (like today they have a class at a nearby wildlife refuge and yesterday they had a swim and gym glass at our YMCA), explore their own interests, or get together with friends. There are many local areas of interest, too, that we get to visit during the day when everyone else is at work or school. Really, you can shape your child’s educational experience as you see fit and for us it is a balance between structured learning, in-the-field learning (like apprenticeships and self-directed learning), and what Charlotte Mason refers to as ‘masterly inactivity’.

    I’ve spent time thinking of what my goals are for our kids’ education and getting a vision for what I want it to look like and then we try to live each day making it happen.

    Reply
  • Michelle January 8, 2014, 9:12 am

    Dear MMM,

    Have you considered St. Vrain Community Montessori School for Little MM? Montessori is all about ‘self-guided pursuit’. SVCMS is a charter school here in Longmont, CO (which means it’s free) and it’s within walking distance of the whole downtown area. They are currently registering for fall. I’d encourage you to check it out. I suffered through most of my schooling. My kindergartner is not. He loves to go.

    Best,
    Michelle

    Reply
  • No Waste January 8, 2014, 11:47 am

    Sounds like he’s ready to live an active, diversified, very full life to me.

    Reply
  • amy January 8, 2014, 11:59 am

    Recently we began looking into homeschooling for our boys and statistically, it ROCKS!! Kids test higher, are MORE involved in extra-curricular activities, and relate well to adults. Everyone seems to be so scared about socialization, but like my husband says, “School is where kids learn some of the things they should, and all the crap they shouldn’t.” We should think carefully before being so eager to socialize them into becoming like everyone else. By default your kiddos spend more time with other kids than they do you, so who has greater influence? 7 hours a day of glorified crowd control so everyone ends up with entitled, sit-com-sassy, name-brand-enslaved, “normal” little punks? Don’t get me wrong, I know lots of great kids, and most people turn out to be fine…but I sorta despise the concept of “fine.” School seems to be training ground for keeping up with the Joneses, learning to strive for good ol’ mediocrity, and needing to be fed information instead of feeding the desire to learn. Kids are curious and the world has limitless secrets and wonders–there’s something out there to grab the interest of each and every human being, every kid, and we are stifling that, we are failing them. My kids currently go to a pretty great elementary school as far as public schools go, but the curriculum baffles me. Our nation has chronic and enormous problems when it comes to healthcare/obesity and debt…but almost ZERO school instruction on nutrition and finance. Baffling! Yes, I know that they are working on better school lunches, blah blah blah…but that is giving a kid a fish instead of teaching him to fish. They don’t know why their lunch isn’t deep fried in delicious nastiness anymore, therefore they aren’t any more equipped to make better decisions in the meals outside of September-June, 8-3, thus very little real progress has been made. Same with money…A fantastic paycheck-to-paycheck message of “Save, kids, for that xbox!” not save for the future so you don’t have to hobble to work when you’re 70 or so you can be generous to those in need. All in all, I LOVE the teachers my sons have and they’re doing the best they can within the standards of the system, I’m just a wee bit fed up with how little we have evolved to meet the needs and remedy the problems we’re confronted with, and how resistant school boards are to change, even when parents are willing to take that burden on themselves, donating time and resources.

    Reply
  • Joseph January 8, 2014, 12:34 pm

    I was homeschooled and my wife switched from public school to unschooling so I’m in no way the type of person who would recommend “formal” schooling. We plan on unschooling our children. In our area you still have to submit a “curiculum” and do annual standardized testing unless you claim religious exemption so when standardized test advocates look down their nose at you, you can sneer at them and say, “my kids don’t even go to school and they still aced your stupid test.”

    One of the things about unschooling is that it’s not about sitting around doing nothing, it’s about helping to facilitate your kids pursuing their interests, whatever those may be. My brother-in-law decided he wanted to get into speed skating so he raced around the basement in rollerblades for months. He’s not interested in that specifically anymore, but he learned a lot about health, diet, training, etc. and he got excersice in the meantime!

    Reply
  • cwebb January 8, 2014, 1:01 pm

    Have you thought about developing a home school schedule and implementing it during the summer? That would allow you to do a sort of trial run to see how you and your son liked it.

    Reply
  • Jeff January 8, 2014, 1:56 pm

    I realize that this is not the main point of the article, but MMM is probably more similar to someone with a PhD than he thinks. Pursuing a PhD has many mustachian qualities and this blog probably has many PhD readers. Grad school is very different than all prior education. A PhD is autonomous and teaches you how to tackle any problem, while questioning everything from common assumptions to to trying to answer society’s biggest challenges.

    Reply
  • Heather January 8, 2014, 2:33 pm

    This is the main thing that drew me to the idea of early retirement: I knew, since I was in high school, that I wanted to unschool my future kids. I planned to retire around thirty via YMOYL methods, then pop those suckers out. Being an idiot, however, I got myself knocked up at 22, before I had even finished college.

    Now, I’m actually postponing early retirement indefinitely to work part time so I can homeschool my youngin. I tried to put him in public school, but he hated it, and I couldn’t force him to do it anymore. It can be a bit overwhelming to work a job and facilitate a student’s education like this, but it is worth it to me.

    If I were already retired, it would be a no brainer. School is like prison, man. ;)

    Reply
  • Becca January 8, 2014, 2:40 pm

    I just saw this article from the Washington Times and thought of this blog post. My apologies if it has already been shared – I don’t have time at the moment to scroll through all 300+ comments. :)

    http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2009/dec/13/home-schooling-socialization-not-problem/

    This is not the only study showing that homeschoolers (whether you follow a set curriculum – of which there are thousands of options – or ‘unschool’) are generally more successful and happier than their public-schooled peers. Although, I’m sure a HUGE piece of this is parental involvement, which obviously your son has in abundance! Unfortunately this is far from the norm in public schools (my husband is a public school teacher).

    I was homeschooled and loved it. I highly recommend it to anyone, and hope to homeschool our own kids.

    Reply
  • Will Murphey January 8, 2014, 4:20 pm

    Reply
  • Annie January 8, 2014, 7:30 pm

    MMM, I’m so sad for your son, who obviously finds his school experience very painful, as well as boring. I raised 3 very bright children, who are now grown. They were often bored, but none of them cried at the prospect of going to school, except when some social problem was occurring. I would be worried, not that he is bored but that something else is going on there that makes him so unhappy. Cranky teachers, bullying, etc. can make a child’s school life miserable. Have you visited the school unannounced? I did that one time at my son’s school and classroom (a long time ago) and was really shocked by what I observed and learned. But probably schools don’t allow that anymore.

    But if it’s really just boredom that makes him cry at the prospect of returning to school, I would be concerned that he may eventually become so disenchanted with school that he will either 1) turn off learning and become rebellious (as my son #1 did and it was really hard to keep him in school long enough to finish high school) or 2) find other opportunities for “stimulation,” which could be negative to his own development (as my son #2 did, although he ended up with a doctorate in a science discipline). It’s very difficult raising bright children. Public school is often detrimental, in my experience.

    Have you considered the Waldorf school in Boulder? I know that would be a drive for you. My niece and nephew attended one in a different city and they, and their parents, loved it. Creativity is emphasized! And the Boulder school goes through high school. Just a thought.

    I really empathize with you. Especially because now I have a grandson who is 5 and already reads at the 4th grade level. There’s really no place in our public school system for these really bright children. And not everyone can afford private schools, which as you noted are not always any better.

    Good luck to you and your son!

    Reply
    • MDM February 24, 2014, 11:53 pm

      Mr. & Mrs. MM,

      Foremost, we’d like to offer encouragement that, whatever your future tactics, your strategy of being “involved parents” will likely deliver excellent results.

      The previous post makes a good point to check whether “boredom” (vs. some other problem) is the reason for MM Jr’s reluctance. Based solely on our 5 children, ages 12 – 26, the issue is probably only the normal preference for games at home vs. learning at school, but it’s worth checking.

      Various comments for this post are similar to the horror stories people tell mothers during first pregnancies. As this is your first time raising a child, it’s natural to be concerned about “having only one chance to get it right.” Fear not, kids are indeed resilient, and again the fact that you do care and do invest time with your child will mean more than the specific school.

      On the specific “issue is mostly with math”, check whether MM Jr can skip a grade in math. That worked well with several of our children: they got more challenge in the thing that bored them most, but stayed with their age group for most of the day so socialization was not an issue.

      Much more we could say from our not-always-easy-but-so-far-successful experiences but in the interest of brevity…keep up the good work!

      Reply
  • Nick January 8, 2014, 10:52 pm

    NZ rocks, and I run a property business there. Let me know if you want to come and play :-)

    Reply
  • Ann Stanley January 9, 2014, 1:01 am

    I’m a teacher and everything you say is true. I’ve just quit my teaching job to tutor kids one to one, because that’s the best ratio. Schools are very inefficient. I took my disengaged 15 year old son out of school last term. He decided to go back because he missed the occupation and the social life and he learned that he wasted a lot of time if left to his own devices. Now it’s school holidays and I am working with him for an hour a day to prepare him for senior school. He says he learns more in one session with me than he learns in a whole day at school.
    I understand your reticence about home-schooling your son because you need time to yourself but here is a link to Penelope Trunk who has a home schooling section on her blog. http://www.penelopetrunk.com. There’s lots of food for thought there.
    Funnily enough I just referred to MMM in the comments section on Penelope’s blog because the topic was cleanliness which you posted about last week.

    Reply
  • Cas January 9, 2014, 5:09 am

    Just saw this on Facebook today… Timely.
    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=4073060403754

    Reply
  • Happyback January 9, 2014, 9:33 am

    MMM and Mrs. MMM,

    The way I did this with my 7 children (…I like to create, too!) was to homeschool.
    In the elementary years, you can teach them all what they need to know very, very easily, in everyday life. Around the 4th grade is when they just get so crushed by living in the “system” of school that they lose any academic advantage they have when they are smaller. So, If I were you, I would consider homeschooling before he hits that wall.

    But, structure is important. So, we set aside a specific time block most days (3 hours) that they had to sit and do the work. Sometimes they did it in the morning, sometimes in the afternoons. But, 3 hours. (They need to learn to be able to focus).

    For high school, we changed things up a bit. They needed “outside” accountability (testing, someone else’s method of teaching), but I wanted to be sure that they still self guided.
    We chose an online, internationally accredited high school program. That way they had the transcript colleges would want. Because of the international accreditation, they could go anywhere in the world, depending on their grades.
    This still allowed us to do what we wanted. For example, one term one of my daughters was just really in a creative mode. So, we had her do all of her literature and art and music classes (yes, they do music, PE and everything via the web now!). Later, she hunkered down and did more math and science. But she controlled (and was fully responsible) for her load and content.

    If you want more info, let me know.
    My oldest son graduated the week he turned 15, with a 3.9 GPA.
    My oldest daughter graduated at the more normal late 17 with a 3.85 GPA.
    My next daughter graduated a year early with a 4.0 GPA.

    They all went on to college.

    The 4 little ones are still going and doing at THEIR pace.

    That’s what we did. It was the greatest way to raise my OWN children MY WAY, and no one would ever teach my children with more insight that their mother. I knew their preferences, their strengths, their weaknesses, their loves. It made teaching and learning much more simple, much more tailored, naturally.

    Happyback
    (mom of 7)

    Reply
  • Happyback January 9, 2014, 9:42 am

    Also, for extracurriculars…
    some things we’ve done:
    All the normal sports (baseball, football, soccer, etc)
    ParKour
    Brazilian Jui Jitsu
    Robot making club (they made Battle Bots and fought them…fun!)
    Scouts
    Running, swimming, biking (all of them are triathletes now, so far!)
    Agricultural extension classes (canning, food prep, bee keeping, horses, farm agriculture, horticulture) at our local county.
    All music they wanted, in the local symphony, local children’s choirs (massive performances, not a little church thing), theater.
    We did great “field trips” to study archaeology in Guatemala, Honduras, Mexico, Ireland and India for as long as a month at a time.
    They’ve swam with dolphins, skied mountains, hiked, built barns and houses, hosted international students once, learned foreign languages.
    Fun trips when we all were wanting them (not when everyone else took theirs!) to DisneyLand, Magic Mountain, etc. This results in seriously less line waiting…and these places were beautiful in early November, or February!
    We explored all sorts of places locally, and in the US (we’ve seen 24 states now).

    We can’t do those things when tied to a system and a schedule dictated by others. They are more connected to the WORLD, and have a much different perspective on things like “needs”, “wants”, “freedom”, “self sufficiency”, “love”.

    It’s better than any playground game of kickball, or classroom movie.
    THEY HAVE LIVED MORE LIFE SO FAR THAN MOST PEOPLE EVER DO.
    Because I was willing to give them all my time, love, and efforts. That’s what socialization we do.

    Reply
  • Julia Bloom January 9, 2014, 1:13 pm

    We unschooled our firstborn for preschool & kindergarten. Didn’t work well – she is a highly creative and uber-extroverted kid who needed more social time & external stimulation – and structure – than I could (or chose to) give her. She attended a public school Montessori program for grades 1-3 but had consistent trouble keeping up with the work – self-motivation is just not her strong suit. Now she’s in a traditional classroom and doing the best she’s ever done at school – not the most well-behaved child but she gets decent grades and is just blossoming creatively.

    My son, three years younger and definitely a homebody/introvert, has never been home schooled. He’s been through two years of private preschool, plus kindergarten and now he’s in first grade. His teachers constantly praise him as being exceptionally respectful, well-behaved, quiet in the hallways, etc.

    And *that* concerns me! Are we raising a perfect little conformist? My daughter, I never worry about in this regard – she has no trouble speaking up or disagreeing or being intimidated by other people’s expectations. But my son seems to be increasingly concerned about knowing the rules, getting the gold stars, etc.

    And yet, he begs to be home schooled at least twice a week! (I sometimes wonder if the pressure of being the “perfect student” is beginning to overwhelm him.)

    I highly value my solitude, and I do a lot of writing and recording music at home while the kids are at school and the house is quiet. But I’ve been intrigued lately about unschooling my son next year and even somehow incorporating his presence and ideas into my writing and music.

    I agree with so many of the other comments – I would love it if my kids could be in school about half as much of the time as they are right now – 3-4 hours a day, or 2-3 days a week. I want to investigate our school district’s online option, and this equal access to school extracurriculars that someone mentioned above (we are in CO too).

    This time around, if I do choose unschooling for my son, I know I need to involve him – and me – in more social activities and opportunities in our community than I did when unschooling with my daughter.

    I’m thinking the summer will be a good time to “try” unschooling with both the kids!

    Looking forward to hearing more as your family works through these things!

    Reply
  • Jess January 9, 2014, 2:25 pm

    There always seems to be lots of concerns related to math and science when discussing homeschooling. I read recently that most adults have no real retention of math skills beyond the 5th grade level. It makes me wonder if these concerns are a bit overstated since most people are not retaining high school or college level math and science anyhow ?

    Reply
  • John@MoneyPrinciple January 9, 2014, 2:29 pm

    Hmm. Sounds as if your primary school is not sufficiently inspiring for your lad, although i suspect it may be for most kids. Our now 12 year old loves school and I think this is in part because his primary school was excellent. But it is certainly true that there are many routes to success so not to worry!

    Reply
  • Dan January 9, 2014, 4:02 pm

    The way I see it there are two major factors at play here: the right school and the right student. If both are not provided then the child will either not be challenged or not be receptive to a broad education. The right school would have high quality teachers (motivated and knowledgeable on the latest techniques), a deep budget (drop in resource teachers to add an extra challenge to advanced students), a wide range of classes starting at K (art, computer, music, gym, science), and be in a community that places education as important (parent involvement). The right student would be curious around a matter of subjects, receptive to being taught, willing to fail initially, and not have any cognitive barriers.

    Those are two really big factors and it is rare to have both at the same time.

    I honestly believe most people make average students: while there are outliers at both extremes – children that are poor students and those that are excellent students. Those excellent students are just plain curious and have the cognitive ability to absorb a wide range of subjects. Those poor students are in no way stupid, many will be gifted. Their gifts would be more focused and thus be bored in subjects that stray from core curriculum and excel in subjects that are interesting. The poor students could be easily viewed as outliers and become the next amazing, programmer, musician, artist, etc. They will need to be diagnosed early and then given guidance to sharpen their gifts.

    (Note: I purposely did not go into the subject of parents who have children with behavioural or learning issues. Those parents have enough challenges in their life and are most likely much more informed on their child’s unique issues without me providing commentary that would be ignorant and ‘no value’)

    Reply
  • Sharon January 9, 2014, 4:46 pm

    Sorry your son is bored in math. I would strongly recommend that you look into the EPGY program. EPGY (Educational Program for Gifted Youth) is a collection of online math and science courses run by Stanford University. It was developed just for kids like yours–children who weren’t being challenged in math and science by their local schools. Check it out, and talk to your school to see if they would be willing to let your son substitute EPGY for his usual math class. Many schools are willing to do this.

    Or, you could homeschool, in which case you don’t have to worry about whether the school will “let” your child work at his ability level. :) I think homeschooling is ideal for gifted kids. Mine are thriving at home (and socially, too).

    Another book recommendation: “Genius Denied.” Excellent book about gifted kids and how they cope in school.

    Reply

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