Get Rich With: The Universal Men’s Grooming Device
Imagine a device so advanced that it can keep any boy or man, from birth to beyond age 100, looking trim, clean and handsome for life. It can sculpt, trim, shape, or completely remove any hair on your body. It will save you hundreds of dollars and dozens of hours of time EVERY YEAR, forever. Over thirty thousand dollars over a lifetime. But yet this device costs less than $50.00.
“Is such a thing possible?”, you may ask.
Well thanks for asking, yes it is!
OK, I will admit I am not the first person to come up with this idea, but I am still its most enthusiastic supporter. You see, I was once your average pay-for-a-haircut type of guy myself. Throughout my childhood, my Mum would take my little brother and I to the barber shop for haircuts every few months. As an older lad, I would walk alone to the manly establishment downtown to get the mop chopped.
I was always quite excited immediately after a haircut because this was when I looked my best. I felt more confident and did more posing in the mirror. But within a few weeks the hair would grow in and I’d lose my edge, and the waiting game would begin – when would the hair be big enough to justify yet another expensive professional haircut?
But then at last, my pain came to an end. A friend informed me of the existence of the Universal Men’s Grooming Device. It turned out that they had been selling these buzzing hair trimmer machines in stores for years, and I just didn’t know about them. I bought one, and I started cutting my own hair immediately and frequently.
From that point on, I never had to lose my edge! I never had to waste time sitting awkwardly around in the barber shop, watching the old dudes talk about hockey. I had gained control over my own ‘Stash of hair.
As I grew older, I realized the UMGD is the ideal machine for Mustache and Beard work as well. A man can easily carve out a nice choppy set of sideburns, or a flowing Circus-Performer Mustache, or a zig-zag Statement Beard in just minutes at any time of day or night. And there’s more! If he should decide upon the clean shaven look, the UMGD will instantly lop off all facial hair, leaving only a very fine, uniform and protective Manly Stubble across the target region. So much better than the artificial and painful Girlyman Smoothness produced by razors! And so much more Mustachian, both because of the preservation of a base layer of armor, and the savings of an additional layer of cash from the Gillette Marketing machine.
Again we find ourselves at a crossroads in the article. There are a group of you, probably mostly ERE readers, who already cut your own hair and laugh at my naivete for thinking a tip like this could be useful for anyone.
But I still had to write the article, because I’ve seen another side of humanity. I have seen adult men from my own group of friends, not rock stars or presidential candidates, but engineers and everyday office workers, who actually pay to have their short basic haircuts maintained. And lest you assume they must be trust fund billionaires or dot-com angel investors, they are not – these are working people with non-infinite money, some even with car loans!!
I know, I know.. it is hard to believe that precious money could be squandered in such a carefree manner, but I live in a wild area where anything goes, and I haven’t even told you the half of it yet.
So, if I did surprise you with this lesson about the amazing Grooming Device, you might want to pick one up instead of your next scheduled haircut. Watch a video on YouTube if you need a quick lesson on technique, or get your wife or roommate to help you.
I have deliberately left out the Lady’s Perspective on the matter, because I don’t know much about it, but I HAVE heard that it is possible for ladies to cut each others’ hair in a non-salon environment, enabling both bonding and enhanced riches. I may even have a few pictures of this happening in my collection.
But for now, MEN: You have been saved from a lifetime of haircuts, razors, shaving cream, and time-wasting. The only grooming products you will ever need for the rest of your life are: this one single device, a bottle of shampoo, and a good stick of deodorant. The rest of the multibillion dollar industry can completely fade away now and the airwaves can fall silent because there is nothing left to advertise. And you will be more handsome and manly-looking to go along with it.
Congratulations again. Send us pictures of your fancy new Mustache!
Article: How To Start a Blog
Where to next? Check out a Random Article
|
Stay in Touch: Subscribe to posts by e-mail, RSS Feed, or follow MMM on Twitter and Facebook.
Join the Conversation: Learn from Like-Minded Mustachians in The Money Mustache Community |
Mr. Money Mustache is a family man living in the United States who retired from work, relatively wealthy, at about age 30. After several years of retirement, he noticed that his still-working peers were envious of his lifestyle. They were making more money than he ever had, yet they were somehow still broke. So he decided to write this blog to educate the world on how it is done.
I have used this devise on my husband since we first got married. I now use it on my son. We had to replace it last year after 6 years of use. It has saved us countless amounts of money. As for my hair I usually go to a place where I can get my hair cut for $20.
I’ve used this device as well on my husband for the last 4 years. I was nervous when I began, but now I’m fairly confident:). My mother cuts mine.
Amen. I’ve been doing this for years. Sadly I think the time may be coming when I have to drop another $50 or less on a new UMGD, since the current appliance is having trouble matching its performance from years ago.
I thought the exact same thing about my UMGD. It had served seven or so years when it began to make terrible sounds and function poorly. I was about to discard it when my wife found the instructions and pointed out that I was supposed to pop a thingie off and oil another spinny thingie every few months or so.
It went back to working fine and I still use it. Could yours be suffering from the same unawareness of maintenance?
My wife has cut my hair for the last 15 years using the same trimmer. I thought about buying a new one (as mine really just needs to be sharpened. I’m not even sure they can do this) but anyways… When looking at the new ones they look very cheaply made and would probablly break within 3 years. Old items were just made better years ago.
Save some money and cut your own!
A ponytail freed me from my monthly haircut dependence.
I had to look up the term “shampoo”.
Odd stuff.
Why would a separate product be needed when I already have a bar of soap. To increase my “volume”? Bring out my “highlights”? Make my hair “shine”?
Also, it has the word “poo” in it.
Haha.. You definitely get Mustachian Points for using only soap, Mr. Frugal Toque. I switched to Only Shampoo (or any liquid soap) because it seems to prevent soap scum buildup on the shower floor. But a good soap bar made without sticky animal fat could do the same thing and might even come in less plastic packaging.
You can actually go further than that. With the exception of times where I actually get properly dirty and I need something to break up the mess, I don’t use any soap or shampoo at all for daily bathing. I’ve been doing it for over a year now. It takes a few weeks for your body (mostly your hair) to get acclimated to managing itself properly after a lifetime of self-imposed chemical warfare, but once that is done, you are home free. My hair is more manageable, and a number of minor skin conditions I’ve thought I’d just have to deal with forever have either improved considerably or gone away entirely. Just hot water and washcloth is all I need.
About six months ago I made the mistake of washing my hair with shampoo, just because it had been so long I wanted to remember what it was like. It felt good, but my hair didn’t seem any more clean afterwards. It seemed kinda limp and lifeless, and for the next several days things were totally out of whack as I recovered from the chemical strip. Never again!
This article is what inspired me to try it: http://blog.seanbonner.com/2010/02/01/ive-given-up-using-soap/
Here is a follow up from the original author:
http://boingboing.net/2011/01/04/i-havent-used-soap-i.html
Those articles have more links in them.
For the ladies, my wife does this too, and she seems happy with it. She just does a vinegar rinse once in awhile if things seem to be getting to oily. She is pretty dang low-maintenance in the personal care arena though, so your mileage may vary.
Another interesting side effect of the no-soap bathing is that it takes a heckuva lot less time and water to do it. Anything longer than a 5 minute shower feels decadent, and I find myself standing around with nothing to do but enjoy the hot water.
Everything this man says is true.
We live a parallel life (seriously)! Awesome.
Ugh, I just feel unfrugal! I’m a lady and I chemically straightened my hair for a couple of years, and am now waiting for it to grow out enough to get a short cute mop-ish cut.
But in the meantime, it’s awkwardly growing out all curly while the ends are straight, and I need Keratin to make it not look like crap.
Sometimes, I wish I could be a guy for a while, this sounds great and saves so much ! I’ll see if DH is open to the idea.
As a lady, I have 3 hair products at my disposal: (1) a hairbrush, (2) elastics for ponytails, which as Heather points out above, are indispensable, (3) a hair straightener — I just got a new one to replace my 10-year old one that stopped working — they’ve come a long way in 10 years!
I get my hair cut once a year on my birthday, as a special treat to myself. Cost is $40/year or less.
Geek – is a hair straightener an option? They are pretty fancy mcpancy these days and mine cost about $30, I think. And, how about ponytails?
I’m growing out, so I’m ironing the roots. It’s a pain in the butt (I’m unwilling to spend so much time in the morning), and I’m definitely going for the shaggy look soon, as I have very curly hair. I have any number of hair ties from previous years, and a brush. Having to get a hair dryer for this straight look was my big concession, but I’m done with it!
Also, ponytails are fine but I’m in the software business and need to look older for another few years (at which point I’ll start desperately trying to look younger, sigh).
This is an old post but in case anyone else is in Geek’s situation with a keratin hair straightening dependency. Getting it done at a salon is breathtakingly expensive – for my hair the quote would be about $800…for ONE TREATMENT. However, as an FYI you can buy the product on Amazon and do it yourself. It’s still not a cheap product by mustachian standards, but for about $300 I get 4-6 treatments instead. Someone with shorter hair would probably get closer to 10. So, if you’re determined to do it anyway, don’t fear the DIY – it’s really not complicated and its a savings of anywhere from $2900-7700. Oh, and it lasts for months.
I concur totally, this is an essential device!
There are yet more advantages:
- Unlike your friendly local barber, it does not look amazed and ask ‘Are you sure?’ when you present your shaggy winter coat on the first day of Spring and ask for a ‘number one all over’.
- Unlike your friendly local barber, it does not ask about your holidays or prattle on incessantly about football and cars
- If you have a garden, the clippings make an excellent barrier mulch to keep slugs and snails away from your delicate seedlings, as they don’t like having their tummies tickled.
- It also provides hours of endless amusement for friends…. I think this may be because I don’t have a mirror at present, though :-)
I’d encourage fellow moustachian apprentices to go poo-less completely!
Just not in the literal sense, of course.
see http://www.marksdailyapple.com/going-poo-less/
I just bought one of these last month. Haven’t had a chance to try it out yet, but I look forward to the extra $150 extra cash per year it will pay me.
I barter my haircuts in return for tax return preparation, but used the UMGD method in college with much success.
I cut my hubby’s hair and save $15-$20 a pop, totalling hundreds!
I should learn to do a flat top so I can do my Dad’s for him, too.
When I first started dating my (now) husband, I remember he asked me to do him a favor on our third or fourth meeting. I was a little hesitant…what sort of odd favor would I have to do? He pulled out his clippers and told me to cut his hair. What? I was terrified I’d drill into his scalp or something, but I found it to be a very satisfying task. Over the 11 years we’ve been together, we have not spent a single penny on cutting his hair. I cut my hair most of the time, but spend $25 (including tip) once a year at the local super cuts just to make sure I don’t look like a complete ragamuffin. I can’t cut my hair into layers very well (despite all my reading and youtubing), so this isn’t something I find a waste of money. Along with the purchase of good quality double edge razor shaving kit, all our hair removal needs are as thriftily accomplished as possible
“The only grooming products you will ever need for the rest of your life are: this one single device, a bottle of shampoo, and a good stick of deodorant.”
And sunscreen.
Trust me on the sunscreen.
Once you’re spending about 7.5 hours per week bicycling around town, you’re going to want some sunscreen.
Yeah, we’re definitely in agreement about sunscreen, and it sounds like you and I might even spend a similar amount of time on a bike each week.
I just hadn’t thought of it as a grooming product – more in the “outdoor equipment” category alongside hiking shoes, a water bottle, and a backpack. That way we can keep that sissy “grooming” category as spartan and Mustachian as possible.
I started using clipper at about age 16, just because it felt weird having strangers all up on my head. Bought my own soon after moving out.
While I was traveling with family once, for the first time in my life I paid for a haircut (when all the males went to get them together).
I couldn’t believe it…
Getting ONE HAIRCUT – not anything fancy, mind you, no cornrows or mohawks or words trimmed on the back of the head, not even a high&tight, just trimmed lower – cost the same as a new pair of clippers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I pointed this out to the family matriarch (who handled money) she said that last time the husband had failed to oil them and they were no good after just a few uses.
Ok
but… um… even using clippers as disposable STILL makes it cheaper than going to a barber, so long as you get just one time in for both males in the family.
sigh
As to a beard: I am legally required to be clean shaven for 2 days of each month, and 2 weeks of each year. But I am thinking of trying a straight razor once my gillette blades are all worn out
I’m intrigued by the legal requirement to be clean shaven. What’s that about? Are you in the TA or something?
Coast Guard Reserve
Does “clean shaven” mean no facial hair at all?
German army allows beards, as long as they are well kempt and do not impair the tight fit of the NBC-mask.
You are, however, not allowed to let your beard grow while on duty, only on a leave. When on duty, it is either cleanly shaven or (well kempt) beard, but nothing in between.
After all, you’re supposed to look good.
They still make safety razors, too. I didn’t feel quite up to dealing with a straight razor, and got one. Much cheaper for blades, not as much to learn, and you don’t have to add blade maintenance to your routine.
You would be proud of us – I went out and got one of these trimmers, and started cutting my husband and little boys hair myself. It’s been GREAT!!!! I’m not brave enough to cut my girls’ hair, or my own, but I do have a cheap place to go!
I’ll ask my wife to pick one up this week, we’ve actually been talking about this recently and your article made the decision that much easier!
Are there any recommended brands/models of this elusive UMGD?
I did it for the time. Money saving has been great, but the time was the biggest savings .. drive to the barber/salon, wait, get it cut. But then I grew up in a household that cut our own hair.
Some Tips:
-use your fingers ‘combed into your hair’ to put more length on the clipper’s cuts. Salon girls will use scissors, measuring off their fingers for your cut. I didn’t like nicking my knuckles with the scissors.
-Get a heavy cord or leather shoelace, pull it tight across the back of your neck or forehead where you want a straight line and use it as a guide for the clippers.
-Secret of a good haircut is the ‘edging’: (straight along) back, around ears, ‘burns, ‘bangs.
-Be prepared, you’ll have some odd-ball cuts once in a while. Just like I used to get going to different barbers.
-keep a note card for what cut length you used where, cross off the ‘don’t do that one again’ cuts and keep the good ones. This gets more important if you have a few kids to cut.
-Try updating your cuts every so often. don’t get stuck in a time-warp. I see people that have been going to the same beautician (more often this problem is women) and still getting the same 1980′s cut.
-Your wife/girlfriend will be less likely to risk such a haircut. That’s just the way it is. Even if it’s probably easier to cut theirs since you just have to even out the ends and take a 1/4inch off. That’s still just the way it is.
I’m going to raise the bar on your suggestion.
In college, I not only began cutting my own hair to save money – I started charging my friends to cut their hair. i charged $2 beers per cut, and I only worked on Fridays between 5pm-8pm. I drank the beers as I cut, which meant people were always rushing to go first (I wonder why?). Then we would go out, and I saved even more money because I’d spend less at the bars having already consumed several beverages for free.
Also, I blasted Neil Diamond while I cut. Nothing inspires a good haircut like Sweet Caroline.
Wow! .. Even thought this article is almost 5 months old, I hereby retroactively award you with the MOST MUSTACHIAN COMMENT OF THE ARTICLE AWARD for this one. ;-)
Hah I did this a couple of times for friends in college. I used scissors, and it took me forever, but I got rave reviews, and my friends got compliments on their haircuts. I took cold, hard, cash, however. No scissors under the influence!
There’s ANOTHER function for this fabulous device you didn’t mention! You totally misunderstood what the acronym UMGD stands for: universal MAMMAL grooming device. It also grooms dogs!
Furthermore, there is another secret many people don’t know: Dogs just don’t care if they have a bad haircut. Therefore, you can practice your skills on the smaller mammal, bond with him, let him think you’re just an awesome piece of bacon-giving-out human … and THEN use this device to groom yourself once you get the hang of it.
One other secret: the dog then can serve as an indicator. When you look down at the dog and think “Bobo is a little shaggy today…” this should also indicate to you: “Hey… maybe I need a haircut, too.” Win-win.
True that Spork. I bought our Oster buzzer for the fuzzy cat after the DW took her to the groomer once and came back home with a $60 bill. After a while I thought why not turn this thing on myself and save $15 a pop every 6 weeks or so. It’s been going strong for 5+ years now for both of us – but do remember to drop a little of the lubricating oil on the blades every time or two. I love the freedom and the ability to get my groom on whenever the mood strikes.
Be careful with this. The clippers you use to shave a dog ($200) aren’t the same sort you use to shave a human ($50). The dog ones are much heavier duty. I think if you got the dog-version you could use them for yourself.
Source: I used to work in a pet shop, lots of people came in telling us they burnt out their clippers on their dog and bought the $200 pair of dog clippers which were (according to my boss and our groomer) up to the task.
Here I was just about to pull the trigger on the Wahl Deluxe Chrome Pro Trimmer from Amazon, when I thought to myself, “I wonder if Mr. Money Mustache” has ever written a post about cutting one’s own hair? A hop, skip, and a Google search later, and here I am. Buying it now – will pay for itself after two haircuts. Thanks, MMM! You’re the mustachiest!
Uh-oh.. I just checked Kevin’s blog and I found out he DID buy the trimmer, but failed on his first haircut and gave up immediately, taking refuge at Supercuts!
http://kevinmeyers.com/post/12449075306/cutting-your-own-hair-is-a-bad-idea
Wah~wah~wah~wahhhhhh. (that’s a horn playing the “fail” song in case you can’t tell).
Kevin:
#1: You are the first person I have EVER heard of not getting a great haircut on his first time cutting his own hair. I mean, this is a seriously easy task. Almost all the men I know now cut their hair this way, either by discovering the awesomeness themselves, or due to my relentless egging and ridicule.. So unfortunately, this does mean you are deficient.. for now. But you can still learn!!
#2: Don’t you have any friends or wives who can help you figure out what you’re doing wrong? Do you want to send me a video of you trying to cut your own hair and we can make a big article here called “Let’s Help Kevin Meyers Cut His Hair” and we can all help you with your technique?
The Mustachian Way forbids you from quitting something just because it didn’t work out the first time you tried it.
Aaand I just saw this comment. Nice. I will give it another shot, with my wife’s help this time around.
Seriously, it looked pretty brutal.
Also, holy shit do I have to step up my blog game if one of my heroes is actually reading it.
Hi Mr. Mustache, I’ve just found your website. I think I was searching for information on riding bikes in the wintertime. I’m from Florida and am finally close enough to work (3 miles!) to commute by bike. Now in Oregon, I’m very nervous about the whole deal, but so far so good! I’ve been hooked onto your blog since finding it- you have a wonderful writing style.
I cut my husband’s hair occasionally with the clippers. I think it looks the same as when a barber does it, only faster, without the trip and tip.
The topic got me thinking about another device I briefly encountered in a magazine. An epilator? I think it is supposed to be a tweezing device to pluck hairs. That sounded like a wonderful idea (no, I’ve never waxed, but I’m SO tired of shaving) if it works.
Also, perhaps less of a macho mustachian concept, but I’ve heard of something called a Divacup for women. That would eliminate LOTS of unneeded spending.
Do you have any experience with either of these things? I apologize if I simply have not read far enough into the present if you discuss it, but I tend to forget things if not said soon.
Never used it myself (don’t have the right parts for it) but my ex-wife, current girlfriend, and all my female friends (who I am close enough to know stuff like that about) all use either the Diva or the Keeper, and I know of noone who has gone back to the old way after having tried it
Read more about divacups and epilators in forum!
If u never have used epilator it can be painful at first.
I use both an epilator (Braun Silk Epil) and The Keeper (what you call a Diva Cup). I’m very happy with both, and after the initial purchases (something like $30 each, I think), I’ve spent zero on razors and feminine products in seven years. They’ve both more than paid for themselves, and seem to have lots of use left in them. (As an added bonus, once you get the hang of it, the Keeper is more convenient than the mainstream way of dealing with these things IMO ;)
I started cutting my husbands curly hair with my sewing scissors 13 yeas ago when we were dating. I didn’t like other girls touching his hair. I was cutting my own at the time, a long, layered style.
It’s actually really easy to do. Go to a salon and have your hair cut. Pay close attention to the process. Write it down if you need to(maybe in the car afterward so you don’t insult the cutter). Then simply copy the process at home. I even maintained a pixie cut at home after seeing what the stylist did.
I’ve spent less than $100 on haircuts for my family of 5 in the last 12 years. My kids have never had a store bought haircut.
I got my buzz clippers and haircutting scissors at Walgreens for less than $20 together. Sure I’ve made plenty of oopsies. But a week or two of growing fixes most issues. A hat, gel or a barrette will hide the error in the interim.
We tried this for two haircuts. I kept having flashbacks to medical school when I had to shave off a guy’s afro in the prison unit before his brain surgery. The other three convicts thought it was great entertainment and spent the whole 40 minutes giving me advice.
I stopped doing this on Hubby JD’s hair because he is VERY specific about how he wants his hair to look and I never felt confident achieving his desired result. Not worth the stress. He spends more on his hair than I do.
Forgive me my ignorance, but I’d like to start cutting my own hair and I want to make sure I’m understanding this post correctly: should I use a UMGD (not scissors) to cut my hair (not beard) to my preferred length (not buzzcut, but about 3 inches)? If someone could help me get this straight, that would be much appreciated! I’m taking note of the “use your fingers combed into your hair to put more length on the clipper’s cuts”.
If you do still like the feelin of a close shave though, you can save considerably on razors by running with the blades ( so you are NOT cutting) 15-20 times on a rough piece of denim or the rough side of a leather belt. This flattens them out, removes rust, and makes you feel considerably more badass before every shave. I have the luxurious Gillet fusion razor, but use the same head for 2 months at a go.
Also, I would just like to say that as a 22 year old, MMM stands as a very inspiring figure as look forward to me and my fiancee’s future. We hope to become mustache twiddling Swami’s in our right in no time flat!
Hi MMM,
Would you recommend buying a trimmer new?
Andrew
Sure, they’re cheap enough to justify the time savings vs. trying to find a good used one. I use a pro-style one called Oster Fast Feed that cost about $60 new.. but it has now worked flawlessly for 12 years and I just upgraded to its second set of blades (which cost me $18).
Since I happen to like the girly-man look for my face, I went out and found a specialized version of the UGMD. It does a very smooth job on face or sideburns, and for the hot man can be used on the cranium for that super-testosterone look. Not that I could be credible in it, but it IS possible.
Mustachian part of it: mine are usually good for a decade.
Cheers!
My sweetie and I have learned to cut each other’s hair. I like mine longish, straight across the bottom. His is a basic men’s cut. Personally, I prefer a good pair of scissors for most of it, including the beard and mustache, using the buzzer doodad to tidy up around the neck and sides.
If left to go to the barber, he lets it get pretty shaggy, so my doing it for him means he gets it done more often, and because I know how he likes it, he has less explaining to do and it turns out more like what he wants.
A little time spent watching videos online certainly helped with getting confident about cutting his hair for the first time.
I cut my own hair as a woman with this method: http://feyeselftrim.livejournal.com/
I prefer long hair cut straight across the bottom, luckily. So I haven’t been in a hair salon in over five years.
I’m young and have white hairs so I also dye at home with henna instead of expensive (and chemical) boxed dyes.
A few years ago I quit using deodorant because of skin irritation and a desire to use a simpler product. Initially the results were as you would expect…ok for me but uncomfortable for anyone within 10 feet. Soon I stumbled on using milk of magnesia which is effective as a deodorant and makes you sweat a bit less. It’s cheap (one $5 bottle lasts a few months) and all you have to do is splash some on after a shower. Also, it can last a few days if you can’t make it through the wash every day for one reason or another. I’ll never go back!
Also, it can be used in the recommended fashion for acid relief. This is pretty great when traveling and needing one less thing to carry around.
just shaved off a ton of hair the the UGD. I used a 5 on top and a 4/3 on the sides. It was pretty easy, with minor use of a second mirror. Just wanted to throw it out there.
Finally bought an UMGDa, Grundig 3140 for less than 20€. Most higher-priced UMGDs seemd to have ceramic blades and where marketed as maintenance-free, while the cheap Grundig came with a brush and oil…
As I firmly believe “mantenance-free” to be a marketing euphemism for “will break eventually”, it was abolutely clear I was NOT going to pay a premium for that.
Haircut and beard cost about 15-17€ at most immigrant barber shops (turkish and arab barbers seem to be better, faster and cheaper than everybody else), so the UMGD will pay for itself in less than a month, and even faster when you compare it to a barber in a middle-class neighbourhood. This means my UMGD equals rougly 3600€ in dividend stock.
Only remaining question: why didn’t I listen to MMM earlier?
I’m interested in cutting my own girl cut…anyone has any good sites/YouTube videos that they recommend…preferably for a layer look. Thanks!
My dad cuts his own hair with a Flowbee. Its a trimmer you attach to a vacuum hose. You can cut your hair as long as the vacuum hose or shorter, and there is no clean up. We always make fun of him, but he prides himself on the money he saved vacuuming his hair short.